Lines

Is there such a thing as a clear and definite boundary? One that separates people you sleep with and people you call friends. People whom you lie under naked and people whom you call for shakes and giggles. Can the two ever become one? Sounds possible but in a world where anytime can happen in one day; and they most probably will, what are the odds that this glistering and attractive combo goes obsolete?The question is: Can we ever draw that safe, illusive proverbial line?

Is there an automated decision made everytime someone new comes along? A mental check to decide if that individual falls into the category of providing physical pleasure or emotional pleasure. It’s with the first few conversations that one decides if that new person is indeed worthy of one’s time and effort. That said, it is safe to say everyone starts off as friends. And after friends, the progression begins. The progression to good friends, best friends, lovers, etc. So when does sex come into the play? Right smack in between the progression, one would perhaps have to inevitably determine whether sex should even be an option. And of course, there has to be physical attraction or in some cases, material attraction; after all, money does seem to increase one’s appeal. After the physical facade has been deemed sleep-able, what’s next? What is the next step in one’s sober thinking process?

What else is there after sex? When there is hardly any mystery left. So what then? Should one continue being just friends or should there be a justifiable promotion to the next level? And what if, one is just not ready for the next level? What happens then? What will happen to that good, enriching friendship one has before the deed? It is just not worth it. An orgasm is just not valuable enough to barter for a nice friendship.

I met PR for dinner and some CD shopping in town. He had wanted my opinion of his sci-fi novel draft which explained why I was at his place in his kitchen sipping Lemon-cello while he took a shower. 15 minutes later, he emerged from his shower and started giving me back-rubs while leaning in for a kiss. I could see the outline of his boner and that was when I knew I needed to make things clear. I do not want to lose another person I deem a friend just because he sees me in a sexual light and I see him in a ‘hey, let’s get a drink and catch a movie’ way. Not again. Not if I can help it. It is exhausting and sad; just mostly sad. Going to your home doesn’t mean I want to sleep with you. Sometimes, it means I want to be alone with you and talk about life and pet peeves. Sometimes, it just means I want check out your CD collection or your library of books that you speak so fondly about. Sometimes, things are just that simple.

He left for Italy 2 weeks later and in that 2 weeks, our phone conversations were awkward and brief. I knew things have, despite my vehement protest, changed and there was nothing I could do about it.

Sure, friendships or any relationships; for that matter, can be travail at times. But what isn’t? Even walking out to buy food and ice cream when you’re hungry is a pain when you feel lazy. But I’m not one to go into something and be fine with coming out with nothing. I’m going to try and get this working again. And even if it all comes to naught eventually, at least I know I’ve tried.