I know I have been absent for a long, long time. Been working on my new site and it is now up and running. So I won’t be updating this site anymore.

 Check out my new site: www.styleflavors.com and www.styleflavours.com . Both addresses will take you to the same site so you’ll still get to me whichever way you choose to spell.

 So drop a line and let me know what you think!

  N xoxo

Music: That’s Not My Name - The Ting Tings

 I have been busy dealing with whatever has been thrown on my plate. I got most of it dealt with and this week was a pretty good week, if I say so myself.

 Aside from checking out the various Summer sales, I am working on a new project. One I hope I’ll be launching in the coming weeks. Stay tuned!

Music: Bang On - The Breeders

 Friday came and went and it was pretty good judging by the week I had. I got the thing I need to do over and done with and I am so relieved that I don’t ever have to do it again.

 I got the news that I might not have to do another module this semester after all. I have enough credits to proceed on and I am just waiting to hear back on the confirmation so I am hoping and praying that I don’t have to spend extra time and money on what essential to me is completely unnecessary and uninspiring. Funny how that worked out because I was completely ready to pay and submit the paper work for the extra module when I felt something or someone was telling not to pay for it first at the back of my head and there were 2 other people in the queue in front of me and they were taking a long time so I decided to submit it the next day and it so happened that I got the news that there was a possibility that I might not need to after all so I hoping this is a good thing.

 I got a call from my cellphone service provider during the week and this chick told me that they will be sending over a $200 voucher to get a new cellphone and a 50% discount on my plan for the next 12 months to thank me for being a ‘valuable customer’. Gone are the days that I had $500 monthly phone bills but I have spend thousands of dollars on phone calls and such and it’s ridiculous on hindsight but I got the money eventually. I have 1 month to make use of the voucher and I finally decided on the phone I am going to get just yesterday (LG KS20). I am in need of a new phone since phones and me don’t get along very well for long. I drop them, I toss them around, they fall apart and I get a new one. That’s kinda my routine. I am also waiting for Ziios’ official paperwork to come in so an account can be set up at Nokia and that can be used as a barter point for a cellphone of my choice. If someone’s going to give me a free phone, i might as well pick the most expensive one ay? Which is just what I am going to do. I have already submitted my choices and I shall wait and see.

 I was deciding a gift for myself for getting through this week and my thing on Friday. It was between a Marc Jacobs watch and a Comme Des Garcons cardigan. I have decided to go with the cardigan. I’ll pop by the store when I have time. I just hope they have the exact one I want in the store here.

Music: Girls! Girls! Girls! - Liz Phair

 My week just got screwed. I found out yesterday that I have to take another module this semester which will be fine and all if I haven’t already done it 2 years ago. Now I have to redo the stupid subject again and it’s just a major bummer because of the extra time it’ll take and the extra cost that would have been better off being blown at Balenciaga, Club 21 or Barney’s. I need Friday to go extra well and I get what I want and then maybe the week will end on a better note.

 I’m just pissed at myself. I hate my major, I hate my occasional decisions made on impulse and I detest people. Hate is too strong a word but I just can’t stand people. I don’t want to talk to anyone, I don’t to smile, I don’t want to think of anything. I just want to be done with this whole overrated-ness. 

 I’m not saying all this because of what happened this week. I’ve felt this way for a long time now. Give me the option of whether to exist or dissipate into star-dust come tomorrow and I will pick the latter. I don’t see a levity that comes associated with things and events. They’re just things and events and they fade as soon as they come.

 I found out today that there’s a pervert living in the next block. I was coming back from the gym and waiting for the lift so I started reading the notices on the board. There is this man living in the next block that has been going around inviting kids to come up to his apartment; enticing them with candies; to take photographs with him. And these kids tell their parents and their parents bring it up to the police and now they’re on the lookout for a suspicious candy-man. Seriously, this pervert needs some older jerk-off materials. It’s like fucking leave the kids alone.

 Pick on someone who has grown a full set of adult teeth. Maybe I’m just jealous that I’m too old for this lecher. You know if I was ever approached by him, what with my rage these days, I’ll stick his camera so far up his ass, he’ll be shitting photo printers.

Music: Cold Shoulder - ADELE

 I slept lots during the weekend. But it’s still not enough, it’s never enough. I feel a little more rested so I guess it’s good. I stocked up on essentials, shrank my pores, made a list of things I want which I intend to strike off by the end of the year. It should be fun.

 I cannot wait for next week to be over. I cannot wait to get it all over and done with, so I can really chill, celebrate and drink Choya while watching TV. I also cannot wait for this period of uncertainty to be over; for the steady flow for income again. And the feeling of accomplishment.

 I met Rno for lunch during the week where he explained just why he didn’t get my Balenciaga sandals. It was all a matter of logistics and location. But he’s going to New York next week and he’s going to fulfill his promise to get me the pair of sandals I have been lusting for. So I can’t wait till Friday when I get this thing I have to do out of the way and I get a confirmation from Rno that he got my sandals.

 I’ve been on a magazine spree where I am seeking high and low for a perfect men’s fashion magazine. I’ve had enough of the usual men’s magazines where it’s like 5 pages of fashion and then the rest of the magazine being filled with articles I don’t give a shit about; the ones I read and then forget the moment I flip the page. If you want to call yourself a fashion magazine, then stick to fashion and grooming. I don’t need to know about vintage scotch or what women really think because I hate scotch and I can just buy my sisters coffee and rattle off a list of questions for them to answer. Of course, you have the 4 times a year GQ Style issue (that I just bought 2 days ago) but I don’t think there is a comprehensive magazine just for fashion and grooming for men. Or maybe I haven’t found it yet.

 It was just like how I bought a magazine catered to gay men during the weekend. I had no idea it was a gay magazine until I reliased that there were ads where 2 male individuals were being very intimate and of personal lubricants. My first thought was that this was a very liberal men’s magazine. It was all fluff anyway, I didn’t learn anything new and the fashion spread was weak. Which was very disappointing given the fact of how gay men do certain things better.

 I guess I’ll have to keep searching..

Music: I’m Not Gonna Teach Your Boyfriend How To Dance With You - Black Kids

 Club 21’s been sending me invites and mailers to sales and summer collection launches. There is a 20% store wide sale at the Club 21 store at The Four Seasons just for today along with champagne. I was also encouraged to spend money in the month of April at any Club 21 store to receive a Haagen Dazs voucher and Spinelli’s vouchers in the month of May. There’s nothing in the stores here that I want. The very 2 items; both Balenciaga, I want, can’t be bought in Singapore and I am very disappointed.

  I have to call Balenciaga up in Paris to track down this pair of sandals I’ve drooled over for months. I have to get it, one way or another. So I am hoping that they can somehow ship it to me here.

 I think some people need to start wearing deodorant when they work out. I was at the gym an hour or so ago and I was the only one until this guy came in. He was in his running shorts and his nylon singlet; his pits exposed and all. When he came close to me to ask if I was using a set of weights, I immediately cringed. He smelt like a mixture of bad eggs, sweat and cooked oil. It was worst when he started working out and sweating some more. So even though it might sound a tad ridiculous to even bother with cosmetics when you’re heading to the gym but really, I don’t think it’s too much to ask if some people cultivated the habit of just slapping on some deodorant or talcum powder under their arms before they leave the house.

 I think that little action will make the world a better place. Or at the very least, smell better.

Music: Running Up That Hill - Placebo

 I am over this. The past 3 nights of tossing and turning and sporadic sleep resulted in 4 big zits. I only get zits when I don’t sleep well. I am still supposed to be glowing from my beach vacation. This just annoys the hell out of me.

 People have been asking if everything’s alright with me; if I am going through an angst filled teenage phase. I just had to laugh at that. Firstly, I don’t think at 20, I can be considered a teenager; secondly, I got over all teenage angst when I was 15. Thirdly, I’m not in any state of depression just because I don’t want to meet up with people and just because I choose to spend the weekends watching tv and staying away from everything social. There’s nothing to do here and I hate making small talk and everywhere in town is packed on the weekends and I just don’t want to deal with random people. It’s as simple as that.

 I just want to get rid of my damn zits, catch up on my shows and read. And for the occasional Saturday, like tonight, I will head out, meet one of my closest friends, have Mexican food and chug margartitas till we’re both silly. 

Music: Not My Idea - Garbage

 The broadband connection started dicking up on me this morning; I thought it was a usual problem with the router. I couldn’t get it to work so I decided to screw it and I went to bed. I got out of bed and started to deal with the problem again because I cannot not have internet access. I spent 3 hours on the phone with the router vendor and it was so bloody tiresome.

  We tried everything in the book but there was still a problem with the IP address. Then finally, the technical assistance person probably gave up and said ‘The only reason why you would get this particular IP address is if you didn’t pay your bill.’ And it hit me that I totally forgot to pay my bill for this month because what with Bali and errands and shit, it was just at the bottom of my list of things to do. I felt so incredibly stupid. I should have asked him from the very beginning if the cause of it all was because I haven’t paid my bill for this month. It was a bloody waste of time. I was so annoyed with myself that I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

 I keep doing stupid things like that or allowing myself to waste time on very simple things. Just last week, I helped the 2 chicks I hang out with in school to collect the textbooks for the module we all take this semester. This module had 3 textbooks and so with my share, it was 9 textbooks I had to lug home and lug back. I completely didn’t notice the rows of lockers right outside the classroom. I went for my morning and my afternoon class and then rushed home to exchange textbooks and bring the other 6 and then rushed to school. I felt like a complete idiot. Arg.

 Sometimes, I just fucking hate myself.   

Music: Bendable Posable - Hot Chip

 The Club 21 Bazaar turned out to be a fruitful event. I arrived at The Hilton at 10am thinking that I would most probably be one of the first few people. I was so wrong; I arrived and there were already 2 lines formed. I should have known better; I was in town with about 15 mins or so to spare and decided to head to Borders to check out the magazine aisle. I was kicking myself for doing so but oh well.

 I ended up with 3 pieces so I’m glad. I got a Miu Miu shirt, a Miu Miu short-sleeve pullover and a Dolce & Gabanna sweater. I made my way straight to my alteration person to have my new buys nipped and tapered to have them fit better. I should have checked out the shoe section first but for some reason, I didn’t and I regretted so. When I got there I saw a pair of Miu Miu black loafers with stencil-like cut out designs. They were so cute but they have already been snapped up. How unfortunate. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

 I met my sister Edith for lunch and told her about the bazaar and she took the rest of the day off work and drove down to check it out. She ended with 3 Comme Des Garcons pieces so it seems like 3 was the number of the day yesterday.

 I feel completely languid today. I have no desire to do anything and nothing excites me. It’s kinda of a dull, sad and slow ambivalence. I have no idea why it can be just right the first time for most people but when it comes to me, I have to do twice or 3 times or even more. Why can’t I just it great the first time round?

 Questions I will never have the answers to…

Music: Wasted And Ready - Ben Kweller

 I am back from Bali. Got back on Moday evening. I came back home, dropped my bags and started running the list of errands I had to take care of. I hadn’t had much time to rest till today. I am still tired and lazy (which I always am anyway) and I have a 9am - 10pm day tomorrow. Oh well.

 I just got back from dinner with Mark where we chatted over sushi and umeshu. I absolutely adore that drink. He got me a $25 HMV voucher to thank me for uploading my music library onto his Ipod. Which i thought was completely sweet. He also bought me dinner, just because. I told him I wasn’t expecting anything in return when I uploaded my entire music library onto his Ipod for the 3rd time.

 I was looking through the map of Europe and mentally planning my year end vacation as Mark dialed a cab for me. I got into the cab and the cab driver stared talking to me. I’m usually not a fan at all of cab drivers trying to strike up a conversation. I just want to be left alone and I am usually with my ipod and I don’t want to have to remove a earpiece and say ‘excuse me’ and have them repeat their random questions over again. It’s tiresome. But I didn’t have my Ipod with me today and the driver was endearing enough. He started asking me questions, and then talked about his son and compared me and his son and I felt a little bad because he was talking about how his son had to deal with furthering his studies after his National Service stint. I could sense his worry with regards to paying for his son’s education and his son’s future.

 It made me think about this afternoon when I was contemplating going for the laser peel treatment on Friday to shrink my pores. The thing it wouldn’t even be a problem if not for the fact that I think the treatment is a tad over-priced. One treatment plus consultation is about $800 or so. And I think it’s steep for just one treatment. It’s fine if it’s a one time thing that would give me smaller pores but it’s something I probably have to do every month. It’s like buying a pair of shoes and the thing is, my complexion is great except for the fact that my pores are enlarged and I just hate how they look. And I would probably rather buy shoes. The conumdrum presented itself in the form of a Club 21 mailer inviting me to a private sale this Friday. I acutally thought the private sale was on a Saturday and so I was weighing my options; cancel the appointment and check out the sale or skip the sale and keep my appointment with the dermatologist. I looked at the mailer again and it turns out that the sale was on Friday which was a no-brainer. I would postpone the appointment and check out the sale and if it was disappointing, I would head down to the skin clinic and if I come out with a few new items from the sale, then hey, great.

 I just thought about how the biggest problem I had today was whether or not to pay $800 to shrink my pores or to spend that money at the Club 21 sale and how minute that seemed compared to the driver’s worry. I completely understand where he’s coming from, I didn’t get everything handed to me from birth. I had to work extremely hard for everything I have today and I am putting myself through college but I also understand that I have been fortunate in this life and I have been blessed with things and oppurtunities of material substance.  

 It’s really about being grateful for the little things, from the HMV voucher that a good friend gives that I am going to use to get Alanis Morissette’s new album in June, and the nice dinner I had to the discount that the cobbler I frequent gave me today when I collected my YSL boots and Dior lace-ups.

 And really, I am going to bed tonight grateful.

Music: Hold On To Me - Courtney Love

  I always find myself missing the food in Bali everytime I think about the island. So needless to say, I spent most meals digging into delicious spicy local flavours. It’s good to be in the sun, doing absolutely nothing but read magazines (and fend off mosquitoes; I fucking hate mosquitoes. I got bitten maybe about 3 times since I’ve been here so I guess that’s not too bad) and eat and visit the spa.

 The Laguna; part of the Starwood Luxury Collection, is a gated resort and I realised how insular it is the other day when it dawned upon me that guests just chill by the compound in the day and then head to the various restaurants at night. There is no need to head out unless you want to do some sightseeing or visit the supermarket or have completely local cuisine. Speaking of the spa, I signed up for treatments the past 3 days and it really wasn’t anything that blew me away or anything I would speak fondly of. The messages weren’t all that relaxing and the facial didn’t give me results I couldn’t produce at home. So it was kinda disappointing.

 It’s definitely a place where newlyweds embark on their honeymoon. There are not too many kids around (which is a great thing) and the walls are thick enough that you don’t hear your neighbours doing their deeds and sowing their seeds.

 The lack of wireless connectivity here annoys me. The internet connection is slow and you need to be connected via the ethernet cable which makes no sense because you can still monitor the usage per room while providing wireless connectivity. Oh well.

 I guess this place is great for people who rather have sex than surf the internet. As for me, I’d rather have both.

Music: Ich Will - Rammstein

 On the flight today, I realised I forgot my camera. Along with the bunch of USD I was supposed to take with me to pay for stuff. I was kicking myself for forgetting my camera again. I had that visceral feeling that I forgot something but I just didn’t know what till it was too late. Oh well. Bummer.

 I had my pores shrink-ed today; it took all of 15 minutes at the dermatologist’s office. I am aware of the fact that I will need to head for a few treatments before I can actually see results but I reckon it’s a start. I hate my pores; they are completely visible and are the size of Tasmania. I haven’t had the time to go pay a visit to my dermatologist in Singapore but I will soon enough. I intend to shrink those darn pores ASAP.

 I realised this afternoon that the YSL boots I just purchased last week were a different pair than the ones I originally wanted. It turns out that the pair I have right now are limited editions; with 256 pairs made. I got the 28th pair so says the print on the sole of the boots. I actually ordered the non-limited edition pair; they have a perforated pattern on the front of the toe and a brown coating under the heel. The limited edition pair has a different stitch design on the front flap of the boots. I have to do a side by side comparison to come up with any other subtle difference. According to the people at YSL, they had an internal server problem and they couldn’t process and ship my order in time so they sent a pair from the flagship store in New York. So that’s the story and I still am pretty certain I like the original pair more. But it would be a bitch to return and exchange for a new pair. So oh well.

 Went to Nami at the JW Marriott for dinner tonight. It’s one of the best Japanese restaurants here in this country. We sat beside this Thai-Indian couple who split their time between Guam and Bangkok. We spent the night chatting with them and had a blast. The lady shared that her brother is in the business of seraching for hotel rooms; so basically, he books and secures hotel rooms all over the world for people who travel. At wholesale prices! How great is that?! I had so much food that I was just filled up. I haven’t felt so full in a while. But it was a good night.

 I am still exhausted and I have an early flight tomorrow. Thank goodness for sleeping pills! 

Music: No Cars Go - The Arcade Fire

 I start my semester break today and I’m off to Bali for 10 days. Will be catching up on tv, magazines, lounging in the sun, eating and drinking, working out, hitting the spas almost daily. I need a holiday and though I didn’t pick the location, it’s still going to be nice doing absolutely nothing. I am terribly looking forward to doing just that. For some reason, these few days have been terribly exhausting and I feel myself semi falling asleep as I type this.

 I went to the doctor’s 2 days ago for a follow-up checkup on my injury sustained during the whole window fiasco. Turns out I should have been given a course of antibiotics when I came to see the doctor the first time round and the doctor then, well, he didn’t prescribe any. So my wound now is infected and blah blah. It seems to be getting better but I still feel completely handicapped since I have to reduce the two finger’s contact with water and such. Bloody tiresome.

 I’ll have more than a bunch of stuff to take home with me back to Singapore after Bali. Finally, my purchases and various shit from the US will be duffel-ed up with my name. I also had a great haircut today and collected the round of clothes I had altered. My alteration guy knocked $5 off the final price and apologised for taking so long to alter them all. That was decent of him and it’s delightful when little things like that happen.

 So you know, as usual, here’s to more of such wonderful little things!

Music: A Sorta Fairytale - Tori Amos

 I had a bit of an accident two days ago. It started pouring and the wind was so strong, it threatened to blow my mirror off the wall. I quickly rushed to shut the windows; I was down with the first pane and working on the second one when the wind blew it right into my fingers. It happened so quickly that I had no time at all to react. The impact sliced into my fingers and tore the skin off. It was bleeding profusely and it hurt. I felt a little faint after I washed it. I then had to lie down for a bit. I initially didn’t think I needed a doctor but my sister was adamant that I see one so I did and the doctor said I didn’t need stitches because it wasn’t deep enough but my skin was threatening to fall off so he bandaged it up and gave me some painkillers and charged me about $50 for 5 mins of wrapping two of my fingers. I was like man, but oh well, what can you do. I just think it’s silly to pay extra for things you don’t need to. It’s not plastic surgery or fillers by a top dermatologist. It’s just wound cleaning and bandages. Silly.

 It’s really such a bitch because I can’t shower properly, can’t write properly, can’t brush my teeth properly, can’t work out the way I want to and thank goodness, I’m ambidextrous, if not I won’t even be able to jack off. Kidding, but you get my point.

 I found passion fruit at the supermarket the other day and I was stoked. I love passion fruit and it’s not everyday that you see it in the stores. I add it to my daily shakes and it’s just great. And it was very cheap too.

 Now if only I can say the same for some other things…

Music: New Shoes - Paolo Nutini

 I’ve been so busy this past week and yet I don’t feel any particular motivation to do anything at this point in time. Such bad timing to feel this way. I still don’t feel completely up to being social and dealing with people. I started working out again this week and it’s going good so far. I can’t wait to get the next 11 days over and done with. I might probably feel better by then.

 I caught up with Mark today and I haven’t seen him for about 2 months now. He just got back from his trip and he had a nice tan. We talked and we laughed and we caught up. It was great that we managed to put the past behind us. He still told me constantly today how gorgeous I am; from my body, my teeth to my hair. He said he loves me in the way that if I had a problem, he would do anything to help me out. I felt really fortunate in that moment. We get on famously and there is much to talk about and he has a wonderful soul. I guess that’s the thing about good, solid friendships. It doesn’t matter how often you talk, or how frequent you meet up but you know a friendship’s going last you a long time if you can pick up from where you last left off. And that really is a gift.   

 There was this pair of YSL boots I’ve wanted for months. It’s perforated and carefully stitched and crafted with a 2.5 inch heel. It’s beautiful. The drummer of Kings Of Leon has the same exact pair. I was surfing around during the week and I got on the YSL website to check on the boots again and I was shocked when I realised it was no longer on the website. So i immediately did a Yahoo search and I was lead back to the site but it was an older page with a completely different collection. So either they were in the process of site maintenance or in the midst of phasing the old collection out. Whatever it was, I knew I had to get the pair of boots. So I did and the nice thing was, there was some internal mix-up over at YSL’s end and I had selected ground shipping but the manager told me that they would ship it 2nd Day Air for free. I was pretty impressed with the level of customer service. It should be a given anyway but it was still nice of her. So here they are, my YSL Jonny Boots Betis.

Music: Underneath - Alanis Morissette

 I was looking for frozen fruit today at the supermarket; thinking a big chain one that caters to expats will carry ones that can be found in the US. The big, huge packs that can last you a month kind. Instead, what I found were tiny packets of organic frozen strawberries and blueberries; the kind that won’t last you 4 days. And the kind that tries to justify $11 for a stupid tiny pack of frozen berries; just because it’s organic. Man, it’s times like these that I absolutely miss Costco. Truly.

 I think it’s stupid paying $11 for a tiny pack of frozen strawberries. I think it’s stupid over-charging anyway. I spend this week avoiding paying extra for everyday stuff. I’ve never really bothered about it before till this week; I don’t know what caused the change. It’s probably the darn USD. I made an extra stop at Watson’s to get some balm for mosquito bites a couple of days ago because I thought it would definitely be more expensive at Jason’s. Turns out, Watson’s charged 35 cents for the same exact product! I was annoyed. It’s the same thing with those darn Neutrogena masks. Now they’re on sale for $1.95 a pop but regularly, they cost like $4 more a pop or something. It’s completely silly, I don’t think there’s much difference between a $5.95 hydrating mask by a known brand and a $1.95 mask by a house brand. No doubt Neutrogena makes good products but to pay an extra $4 for an individual mask? I don’t think so.

 I’ve come to the conclusion that I’m cheap this way. I would pay $1000 for a pair of shoes without blinking an eye but I complain about paying 35 cents more for insect-bite salve. I just don’t see the need to pay extra for the same product or for something that does the exact same thing as a less well known brand. It’s mostly just marketing anyway.

 Speaking of shoes, I bought a pair of boots yesterday. These everyday boots from C’N'C CoSTUME NATIONAL are just what I was looking for. So I was very pleased.

  I still have to go search for frozen fruit tomorrow or the day after. I have a feeling I’m going to have to freeze fresh fruit instead. Oh well.

Music: After Hours - We Are Scientists

 After days of waiting and dealing with banks and going through the motion of proving that I indeed made the purchases I made, my items have been shipped. I’m just tired of having to wait and deal with proving that I am legitimate. I got a mesh polo and a vest from Ralph Lauren and a scarf from Paul Smith over the weekend. I also got a replacement Ipod since my old one was faulty. It’s good that it’s still under warranty and Apple basically replaces your cranky one for a new one. I was getting withdrawal symptoms from not being able to have my music with me. It’s all good now.

 I’m waiting for Apple to release a 60GB or 80GB version of the Ipod Touch. That would be perfect and then I can use my paltry current 16GB Ipod Touch for movies and shows. I can barely fit in half my music library into my current Ipod and I hate having to choose between my favourite rock stars. It’s like Apple seems to only come up with new products as soon as you get one. They don’t release them when you’re not intending to purchase anything but as soon as you get something, the better, bigger version gets released weeks later. I need to get a Nano as well for the gym, something light and small that I can throw in my pocket and run and not be weighed down by.

 I met Rno for lunch today and told him about my Balenciaga sandals and a tee I wanted. He’s heading to Paris this weekend. So the timing was perfect! So Rno, if you’re reading this, I am counting on you! Can’t wait till you get back to Singapore. Pick a Brazilian place and I’ll buy you lunch when you get back!

 It’s been raining and raining and it’s bringing me down. How I miss California… 

Music: Never Let Me Down Again - Depeche Mode

 That particular Marc Jacobs tee I wanted 1.5 weeks ago was gone when I checked on it this morning. I settled for another Marc Jacobs tee and ended up getting a Lanvin tee as well. After spending a couple of hours figuring out the best way to pay for these without any security hassle, I updated my PayPal account and by the end of next week, I’ll have my two new tees. I signed up for Google checkout as well but was told that I needed to provide a copy of my ID card and my credit card for verification purposes. I’m like what gives? Seriously, all these recent fraud cases are getting on my nerves. Online shopping is one of my favourite past times and having to provide all these extra proof of identity just sucks the joy out of virtual consumerism. I understand the need to protect innocent people from identity thieves and fraudulent impostors but someone needs to come up with a less joy-kill method of verification.

 I’ve been trying to get some new boxers for the past couple of months but I’ve never really gotten down to it. Most of my boxers have lost their elasticity. I got 3 pairs off the Abercrombie & Fitch website a couple of minutes ago. I’m pleased about that. Finally, underwear that fits.

 I also realised that I don’t have much to wear on the beach come Summer or come my next semester break. I will be spending days on the beach and I threw out all my swim wear years ago and the Ralph Lauren beach shorts I got recently are too small so I can’t wear those and I need to go get some swim shorts and a new pair of flip flops.

 I’m addicted to Frutips’ blackcurrant pastilles. I can’t popping them! Talk about a sugar rush…

Music: Raspberry Beret - Prince

 I’m having most of my wardrobe altered to fit me better. I love structure and fit and I’m so glad I found an alteration guy that knows what I want and how I want my clothes to turn out. It’s one of the simple pleasures in life; to be able to have clothes that hug and fit you.

 I tried for hours yesterday to purchase this Gucci silk knit skinny tie that had my name written all over it. I have no idea why online boutiques make it so difficult for consumers to purchase stuff. First they had a problem with my billing address then my phone number and then they actually called me up to verify if I actually made the purchase. I understand the rigmarole of internet security to prevent identity theft and fraud but this is just getting on my nerves and the thing was, there was only 2 pieces of the tie left and I had to have it. After hours of trying and frustration, the order finally went through. 

 It’s like how a week and a half ago, I was trying to purchase this Marc Jacobs tee and I was told I had to pay via pay-pal or use google checkout. I was surprised, which major online boutique doesn’t accept major credit cards? I haven’t used pay-pay in years and I’m a little bit skeptical. I need to update my particulars as well so I’m going to look at the tee again this weekend and decide if it’s worth the transaction hassle of pay-pal. Oh well.  

 I’ve been meaning to get a pair of gladiator sandals for a while now. I found the perfect pair this week. It’s everything I want. Black, woven leather, clasp. Pure Balenciaga, Nicolas Ghesquiere genius. It’s unfortunately not sold in Singapore; they don’t sell Balenciaga’s men line here (why I don’t know). So Rno, if you’re reading this, give me a call. If you ever drop by Paris in the coming months, I need you to bring a pair back for me. Merci!

Music: Teenage Dirtbag - Wheatus

 I need to stop binging. I realised how unusually large my belly has grown and it’s just completely unattractive along with how much I’ve been eating and how constant the thought of food is. Everything’s screwed up because I haven’t been able to sleep well the past couple of weeks. It’s surprising that I’m even functioning.

 Along with not being able to sleep, I’m in this phase where I don’t want to talk to anyone, meet anyone, head out, do anything remotely physical or anything that resembles some inkling of being social. I enjoy time spent alone alot; sometimes too much, I think. And sometimes I get like this; completely cellular.

 I know I’ll get over this; when I don’t know but soon. And oh, I got a bunch of 80s music and they’re awesome!

Music: 1979 - Smashing Pumpkins

 My grandmother passed away last weekend. I got back to Singapore on Monday night and I have been dealing with school, the funerals, reports, laboratory sessions; all while trying to catch some decent sleep (to no avail). I am just exhausted and basically, unable to do much beyond my daily routine and even that is a bitch most days.

 I always knew my mother came from a big family but I didn’t know how big it was till I saw the number stats on the wake booklet. My mother has 16 siblings, 13 brothers and sisters-in-law, and I have 31 cousins. Throw in 1 grand niece and another 1 on the its way. I just started thinking about the number and realised something was wrong. I can’t be the only one in the family with homosexual linings and tendencies. According to Kinsey’s sex survey (although its accuracy has been discredited in the course of time), one out of every 10 individual is gay. So according to the survey then, I should have 5 other gay family members but I’m betting it’s a smaller, more realistic number, say 2. I’ve never thought about it till yesterday. I’ve got to keep my eyes peeled more in the future; I might just have more in common with some people I only see once a year than I ever thought I would. I hope my hot cousin bats for my team. The last time I saw him, I remember him being boyish good-looking, jocky, smart, and so polite. A catch. Much fun.

 The US dollar has sunk to a new low today and it’s making me upset and a little depressed. I know things will pick up eventually. But now is now and it’s my whole current reality. And sometimes, I rather not have one at all.

Music: Untitled 3 - Sigur Ros

 I am tired. I don’t even think I slept last night. I know I went to bed at 3am, tossed and adjusted the pillows a couple of times and before I knew it it was 1.10pm. All while hearing the next door neighbour’s screaming orgasm yelps. Correction, the next door neighbour’s street whore or wherever he picked her up. She screamed from 2.30am to 4am, then from 4am to 6am and then at 12.30pm, she started screaming again. That was not all, throw in furniture slamming and incessant laughter and you get the fucking soundtrack that kept me up last night.

 The thing is, this is not the first time. It happened the past 2 times I was here. It goes on and on and louder and louder. I’m not jealous that someone is having more sex that I am. Right now, at this point in my life, I want sleep more than I want sex. I can have sex anytime I want but what I can’t have on demand, instantly, is sleep. I almost got to the point; the point of sleep where you finally tip and drift off and don’t realise you actually fell asleep until you wake the next morning when she started screaming.

 I’m all for having sex; hell, I think the more sex people have, the better the world will be. So many people that need to get laid. But when it interrupts my sleep, that is the line crossed. Especially when I can’t beat it and certainly, don’t want to join in. I see flyers notifying residents that throwing cigarettes butts from their respective balconies disrupt the general cleanliness of the estate, flyers informing residents to only wait in the waiting area so as not to hold up incoming traffic, flyers urging residents to be a little more thoughtful of their fellow neighbours. Their fellow friendly neighbours. Maybe I should go do a flyer encouraging that boom-box whore to use her bedroom voice along with her client’s unit number. That should get someone’s attention.   

 Maybe my internal sleeping mechanism is faulty from the years in high school where I fought sleep to work out and have transatlantic relationships. I barely slept during my puberty years and I always felt tired and exhausted and slept felt so good. If there’s one thing I regret, it would be that I didn’t sleep more. If I have slept more, I would probably have been physically bigger and taller which is something I think about sometimes and my autonomic hibernating system would probably be less fucked up than it is now. 

Oh, to go back to that time when I could just fall asleep, just like that. I got to thinking that maybe I ought to buy a new bed. Something I can sink into. But then I would have to need to make space in my room for a bigger one. Just one more thing to think about.

 For now, there is science and little pills….

Music: So Pure - Alanis Morissette

 Things are finally falling into place. I got my deferment and I was made to sign an underlying contract stating that I shouldn’t and wouldn’t apply for deferment after this is done. I don’t have a problem with that anyway; I have no intention of dragging this all any further so it all worked out. There is just one more thing I have to deal with and then I can finally heave a sigh of relief. Just a little while more before I can celebrate and pop some champagne.

 I’ve had a crush on John Cusack since I was 13. He’s so handsome with such kind eyes. He’s got a face I can spent years studying. I just watched Martian Child and there was a line in the movie when he said, “I deserve you, I really do.” If he ever said something like that to me, oh, one can only wish. I have a feeling I’ll meet him one day, I’m sure the people I know in LA know people who know people who know him. I’m sure he’s straight as an arrow but he embodies the physical aspects and the charismatic draw of someone I can grow old with…

 I just realised that I have been chowing down on expired protein bars the past 4 days. I have an oatmeal raisin one when I get out of bed everyday and I was doing the same thing today; just chewing and thinking and staring into space when I started reading the label. I did a double take when I saw the best-by date: 08/21/07. It expired on 21 August 2007. It took me half a second to register that fact that it was 2008 now. That certainly explains why I have been constipated the past 3 days.

 At least I realised it before I finished the whole box. I guess, like most things in my life, it’s better to reach the point of finally later and be able to move forward than to not get there at all.

 And oh, I’m pissed off at WordPress. I saved an entry to go edit some features for a couple of minutes and when I started looking for my entry, it was nowhere to be found. I have to redo the entry and I hate doing so. It’s just a bloody waste of time.  

Music: C’mon - Go Betty Go

 I woke up today and did my usual email round when I found out that I got a year’s subscription of GQ as a Valentine’s Day gift. I thought that was very thoughtful and sweet. And it was just lying in my junk mail folder and it was a good thing I scan through that everyday. Valentine’s Day means nothing to me; it’s just another excuse to inflate the prices of flowers and mediocre food. Two things I don’t care for. It’s the little acts of patience and kindness you give and show everyday that counts at the end of the road. Everyday should be a special cause for celebration, if you ask me.

 And in my world, a cause for celebrations means buying shoes. I was kicking myself a little sporadically whenever I thought about this pair of Dolce & Gabanna Black Python Loafers.

I should have gotten them; they would completely come in handy for casual summer days. Which is, most of the year, in Singapore. I slept on it and then, my size was gone the next day. Such a bummer.

 I was just surfing and thinking of said python loafers when I caught sight of this exquisite pair of black leather oxfords. This chic pair of oxfords by Christian Dior; with cut out square designs and a cool two hole lace up vamp. It is so me and I had in mind to get a pair of black oxfords and I found it! I immediately added it to my cart and bought it. I’m really looking forward to wearing my new Dior. Say Hello.

 So this is my present to myself. I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day but I do believe in buying presents for myself. Just because.

Music: The Damage In Your Heart - Weezer

 There’s this huge lack of motivation these days to do anything save sleep, eat and buy shoes. I don’t want to do anything or go anywhere. I’m making it a point to get up at a pretty decent time in the morning everyday so it means setting up alarm up and getting up everyday at the same time; no matter how late I slept the previous night. That should get my body clock back in order.

 Went out for drinks with Dave’s young boys on Saturday night. I had to do a bit of baby-sitting which is something new to me. But it was alright. It was interesting to see it all through someone who is just starting to come out, this otherwise old, tired cliche routine. So one of Dave’s boys brought along a friend and turns out, said friend had a thing for me. He’s this college boy who likes younger guys and likes taking care of them. He asked his friend for my number and he wanted to ask me out and take care of me. Which I found extremely amusing. Because he called me and in the midst of the small talk, he asked if I could call him back using a land line and I said I didn’t have one (although I do; my cordless phone is just a tad faulty) but I could call him back if he was worried about paying for a few outgoing minutes. He said no and it was because he wanted to take care of me so we continued talking for a couple of minutes and then it came; he asked if I could call him. I said sure (I was just trying to be nice). So I called him and he asked me out this weekend and I told I couldn’t make it. He asked if I would be attracted to him if I was single, I told him I wouldn’t be. Which disappointed him but oh well.

 In an earlier conversation, he said something like he thinks I’m still immature which made me chuckle because no one has ever; in my existance, used that word on me. I just listened and he says he’s so much more mature than me because he has slept with chicks or something. Which puts him in a better position to take care of him which is what he would like to do. How can you possibly take care of me if you can’t even pay your phone bills? How can you possibly think you’re matured than me just because you’ve gone to third base with teenage girls? How can you think you’ve seen more than I have when you’ve barely ventured out of the country? What a joke.

 I got a really old-school text message the other day from his other guy who tried to pick me up on Saturday night. It was this generic text message filled with semi-colons and commas constructing a pig or some animal. I’ve never been a fan of such stupid, chain messages but I haven’t received one in years so it was a surprise. Albeit, a bad one.

 Such irony; you get boys thinking they’re men and men wanting to be boys again…

Music: Yellow Submarine - The Beatles

 I lost $115 or so this past 3 days on card games. It’s really not my year to gamble, I think. I also just counted my haul for this year. And excluding my sister’s cheque, it’s not even enough to fully pay for the upcoming bills. So I’ll still need to make a trip to the ATM.

  It’s like: Dry Cleaning Tab - $36

                 Clothes Alteration - $100

                 Broadband Bill - $73

                 Cab Fare Tomorrow - $40

                Watching Project Runway; eating cuttlefish and drinking Choya in my boxers - Priceless

 For everything else, there’s always your older, foreign boyfriend. ;-)