Not

Music: Running Up That Hill – Placebo

 I am over this. The past 3 nights of tossing and turning and sporadic sleep resulted in 4 big zits. I only get zits when I don’t sleep well. I am still supposed to be glowing from my beach vacation. This just annoys the hell out of me.

 People have been asking if everything’s alright with me; if I am going through an angst filled teenage phase. I just had to laugh at that. Firstly, I don’t think at 20, I can be considered a teenager; secondly, I got over all teenage angst when I was 15. Thirdly, I’m not in any state of depression just because I don’t want to meet up with people and just because I choose to spend the weekends watching tv and staying away from everything social. There’s nothing to do here and I hate making small talk and everywhere in town is packed on the weekends and I just don’t want to deal with random people. It’s as simple as that.

 I just want to get rid of my damn zits, catch up on my shows and read. And for the occasional Saturday, like tonight, I will head out, meet one of my closest friends, have Mexican food and chug margartitas till we’re both silly. 

 

Stupid

Music: Not My Idea – Garbage

 The broadband connection started dicking up on me this morning; I thought it was a usual problem with the router. I couldn’t get it to work so I decided to screw it and I went to bed. I got out of bed and started to deal with the problem again because I cannot not have internet access. I spent 3 hours on the phone with the router vendor and it was so bloody tiresome.

  We tried everything in the book but there was still a problem with the IP address. Then finally, the technical assistance person probably gave up and said ‘The only reason why you would get this particular IP address is if you didn’t pay your bill.’ And it hit me that I totally forgot to pay my bill for this month because what with Bali and errands and shit, it was just at the bottom of my list of things to do. I felt so incredibly stupid. I should have asked him from the very beginning if the cause of it all was because I haven’t paid my bill for this month. It was a bloody waste of time. I was so annoyed with myself that I didn’t want to talk to anyone.

 I keep doing stupid things like that or allowing myself to waste time on very simple things. Just last week, I helped the 2 chicks I hang out with in school to collect the textbooks for the module we all take this semester. This module had 3 textbooks and so with my share, it was 9 textbooks I had to lug home and lug back. I completely didn’t notice the rows of lockers right outside the classroom. I went for my morning and my afternoon class and then rushed home to exchange textbooks and bring the other 6 and then rushed to school. I felt like a complete idiot. Arg.

 Sometimes, I just fucking hate myself.   

3

Music: Bendable Posable – Hot Chip

 The Club 21 Bazaar turned out to be a fruitful event. I arrived at The Hilton at 10am thinking that I would most probably be one of the first few people. I was so wrong; I arrived and there were already 2 lines formed. I should have known better; I was in town with about 15 mins or so to spare and decided to head to Borders to check out the magazine aisle. I was kicking myself for doing so but oh well.

 I ended up with 3 pieces so I’m glad. I got a Miu Miu shirt, a Miu Miu short-sleeve pullover and a Dolce & Gabanna sweater. I made my way straight to my alteration person to have my new buys nipped and tapered to have them fit better. I should have checked out the shoe section first but for some reason, I didn’t and I regretted so. When I got there I saw a pair of Miu Miu black loafers with stencil-like cut out designs. They were so cute but they have already been snapped up. How unfortunate. I guess it wasn’t meant to be.

 I met my sister Edith for lunch and told her about the bazaar and she took the rest of the day off work and drove down to check it out. She ended with 3 Comme Des Garcons pieces so it seems like 3 was the number of the day yesterday.

 I feel completely languid today. I have no desire to do anything and nothing excites me. It’s kinda of a dull, sad and slow ambivalence. I have no idea why it can be just right the first time for most people but when it comes to me, I have to do twice or 3 times or even more. Why can’t I just it great the first time round?

 Questions I will never have the answers to…

Grateful

Music: Wasted And Ready – Ben Kweller

 I am back from Bali. Got back on Moday evening. I came back home, dropped my bags and started running the list of errands I had to take care of. I hadn’t had much time to rest till today. I am still tired and lazy (which I always am anyway) and I have a 9am – 10pm day tomorrow. Oh well.

 I just got back from dinner with Mark where we chatted over sushi and umeshu. I absolutely adore that drink. He got me a $25 HMV voucher to thank me for uploading my music library onto his Ipod. Which i thought was completely sweet. He also bought me dinner, just because. I told him I wasn’t expecting anything in return when I uploaded my entire music library onto his Ipod for the 3rd time.

 I was looking through the map of Europe and mentally planning my year end vacation as Mark dialed a cab for me. I got into the cab and the cab driver stared talking to me. I’m usually not a fan at all of cab drivers trying to strike up a conversation. I just want to be left alone and I am usually with my ipod and I don’t want to have to remove a earpiece and say ‘excuse me’ and have them repeat their random questions over again. It’s tiresome. But I didn’t have my Ipod with me today and the driver was endearing enough. He started asking me questions, and then talked about his son and compared me and his son and I felt a little bad because he was talking about how his son had to deal with furthering his studies after his National Service stint. I could sense his worry with regards to paying for his son’s education and his son’s future.

 It made me think about this afternoon when I was contemplating going for the laser peel treatment on Friday to shrink my pores. The thing it wouldn’t even be a problem if not for the fact that I think the treatment is a tad over-priced. One treatment plus consultation is about $800 or so. And I think it’s steep for just one treatment. It’s fine if it’s a one time thing that would give me smaller pores but it’s something I probably have to do every month. It’s like buying a pair of shoes and the thing is, my complexion is great except for the fact that my pores are enlarged and I just hate how they look. And I would probably rather buy shoes. The conumdrum presented itself in the form of a Club 21 mailer inviting me to a private sale this Friday. I acutally thought the private sale was on a Saturday and so I was weighing my options; cancel the appointment and check out the sale or skip the sale and keep my appointment with the dermatologist. I looked at the mailer again and it turns out that the sale was on Friday which was a no-brainer. I would postpone the appointment and check out the sale and if it was disappointing, I would head down to the skin clinic and if I come out with a few new items from the sale, then hey, great.

 I just thought about how the biggest problem I had today was whether or not to pay $800 to shrink my pores or to spend that money at the Club 21 sale and how minute that seemed compared to the driver’s worry. I completely understand where he’s coming from, I didn’t get everything handed to me from birth. I had to work extremely hard for everything I have today and I am putting myself through college but I also understand that I have been fortunate in this life and I have been blessed with things and oppurtunities of material substance.  

 It’s really about being grateful for the little things, from the HMV voucher that a good friend gives that I am going to use to get Alanis Morissette’s new album in June, and the nice dinner I had to the discount that the cobbler I frequent gave me today when I collected my YSL boots and Dior lace-ups.

 And really, I am going to bed tonight grateful.

 

Connectivity

Music: Hold On To Me – Courtney Love

  I always find myself missing the food in Bali everytime I think about the island. So needless to say, I spent most meals digging into delicious spicy local flavours. It’s good to be in the sun, doing absolutely nothing but read magazines (and fend off mosquitoes; I fucking hate mosquitoes. I got bitten maybe about 3 times since I’ve been here so I guess that’s not too bad) and eat and visit the spa.

 The Laguna; part of the Starwood Luxury Collection, is a gated resort and I realised how insular it is the other day when it dawned upon me that guests just chill by the compound in the day and then head to the various restaurants at night. There is no need to head out unless you want to do some sightseeing or visit the supermarket or have completely local cuisine. Speaking of the spa, I signed up for treatments the past 3 days and it really wasn’t anything that blew me away or anything I would speak fondly of. The messages weren’t all that relaxing and the facial didn’t give me results I couldn’t produce at home. So it was kinda disappointing.

 It’s definitely a place where newlyweds embark on their honeymoon. There are not too many kids around (which is a great thing) and the walls are thick enough that you don’t hear your neighbours doing their deeds and sowing their seeds.

 The lack of wireless connectivity here annoys me. The internet connection is slow and you need to be connected via the ethernet cable which makes no sense because you can still monitor the usage per room while providing wireless connectivity. Oh well.

 I guess this place is great for people who rather have sex than surf the internet. As for me, I’d rather have both.

Thursday

Music: Ich Will – Rammstein

 On the flight today, I realised I forgot my camera. Along with the bunch of USD I was supposed to take with me to pay for stuff. I was kicking myself for forgetting my camera again. I had that visceral feeling that I forgot something but I just didn’t know what till it was too late. Oh well. Bummer.

 I had my pores shrink-ed today; it took all of 15 minutes at the dermatologist’s office. I am aware of the fact that I will need to head for a few treatments before I can actually see results but I reckon it’s a start. I hate my pores; they are completely visible and are the size of Tasmania. I haven’t had the time to go pay a visit to my dermatologist in Singapore but I will soon enough. I intend to shrink those darn pores ASAP.

 I realised this afternoon that the YSL boots I just purchased last week were a different pair than the ones I originally wanted. It turns out that the pair I have right now are limited editions; with 256 pairs made. I got the 28th pair so says the print on the sole of the boots. I actually ordered the non-limited edition pair; they have a perforated pattern on the front of the toe and a brown coating under the heel. The limited edition pair has a different stitch design on the front flap of the boots. I have to do a side by side comparison to come up with any other subtle difference. According to the people at YSL, they had an internal server problem and they couldn’t process and ship my order in time so they sent a pair from the flagship store in New York. So that’s the story and I still am pretty certain I like the original pair more. But it would be a bitch to return and exchange for a new pair. So oh well.

 Went to Nami at the JW Marriott for dinner tonight. It’s one of the best Japanese restaurants here in this country. We sat beside this Thai-Indian couple who split their time between Guam and Bangkok. We spent the night chatting with them and had a blast. The lady shared that her brother is in the business of seraching for hotel rooms; so basically, he books and secures hotel rooms all over the world for people who travel. At wholesale prices! How great is that?! I had so much food that I was just filled up. I haven’t felt so full in a while. But it was a good night.

 I am still exhausted and I have an early flight tomorrow. Thank goodness for sleeping pills! 

After

Music: No Cars Go – The Arcade Fire

 I start my semester break today and I’m off to Bali for 10 days. Will be catching up on tv, magazines, lounging in the sun, eating and drinking, working out, hitting the spas almost daily. I need a holiday and though I didn’t pick the location, it’s still going to be nice doing absolutely nothing. I am terribly looking forward to doing just that. For some reason, these few days have been terribly exhausting and I feel myself semi falling asleep as I type this.

 I went to the doctor’s 2 days ago for a follow-up checkup on my injury sustained during the whole window fiasco. Turns out I should have been given a course of antibiotics when I came to see the doctor the first time round and the doctor then, well, he didn’t prescribe any. So my wound now is infected and blah blah. It seems to be getting better but I still feel completely handicapped since I have to reduce the two finger’s contact with water and such. Bloody tiresome.

 I’ll have more than a bunch of stuff to take home with me back to Singapore after Bali. Finally, my purchases and various shit from the US will be duffel-ed up with my name. I also had a great haircut today and collected the round of clothes I had altered. My alteration guy knocked $5 off the final price and apologised for taking so long to alter them all. That was decent of him and it’s delightful when little things like that happen.

 So you know, as usual, here’s to more of such wonderful little things!