Reuse

Music: Trash – New York Dolls

 I found a great way to reuse the couple of pairs of shoes that have been laying idle in my closet for the longest time; they’re all in great condition and can still be worn. I’m going to send them to Shoe4Africa; an organisation that collects excess shoes and redistributes them in Africa, benefiting kids and adults alike who otherwise would continue to be infected with Intestinal Worms. Close to 92% of Kenyan children tested had Hookworm, which enter the body through exposed bare feet. Through their popular self-organised sporting events, Shoe4Africa provides on-site Aids testing. Today, more than 14 million orphans have been left behind by the Aids pandemic; approximately 92% of them live in Africa. It’s a heart-wrenching plight. It might be just old shoes to us but to them, it means the world. Natalie Portman’s an ambassador and so is Cameron Diaz. Do check them out: http://www.shoe4africa.org/mission.html.

 I’ve been trying to get off my ass and be a little less languid during the day. These days, all I want to do is absolutely nothing. I really just want to go into deep slumber and not bother about waking up. Or just do nothing but curl up and read. I’m too lazy to even sort out my music library. I had to drag myself to the gym these past few days just so I can feel a little more productive.

 I just want to start being excited about things again and be absolutely clear about my next steps and my whereabouts. To start breathing easily again. Soon soon, I hope.

Not Just Me

Music: E-Pro – Beck

 Had drinks at Dave’s last night where we finished a bottle of Absolut between the two of us and chatted till past 3 in the morning. He was showing me pictures of his various boys in various states of undress. They were mostly naked and then the subject of circumcision came up and he brought up the fact all the Chinese boys that he had slept in Singapore with have been uncircumcised. So he reached a conclusion that most Chinese Singaporean boys are uncut. Which I said was strange because I thought that most Singaporean Chinese boys were circumcised at birth or during their early years. And I have not slept with any uncut Singaporean men which further proves my point since Dave likes his boys young. So we made a wager; I was to go ask my brother if he was circumcised and I’ll ask my sister if her husband’s cut. I know they’re both cut; if I’m not wrong and Dave thinks they’re uncut and loser buys dinner. So I should start thinking of what I want to eat.

 I found a place for pretty decent buffalo wings. It’s in deep near an army camp and it probably isn’t worth getting lost and spending an hour trying to find the damn place which was what my brother and his girlfriend did 2 weeks ago. But thanks to Google Maps, we found it tonight. My steak was completely mediocre which was disappointing because I was in the mood for a good steak.

 Just like how I’ve been craving instant noodles with abalone for the longest time. And I mentioned it over dinner and my brother went, “Oh you’re so high maintenance; instant noodles with abalone, but let’s go get some.” Because he wanted some as well.

  So it’s really not just all me. And I’m talking about the uncircumcised bit as well.

Why

Music: Modern Girl – Sleater-Kinney

 I just finished my first report of the year and I feel a good sense of accomplishment. I started to wonder, no not wonder, ponder just how different things might be if I had picked an easier major. One which I am actually good at and am genuinely interested in. An easy one like Communications that I’ll breeze through instead of struggling like how I am now. Sometimes, when I think about it all, I kick myself for not thoroughly grasping my limitations and for ignoring my far superior right brain to instead get an education where I would need to use my left brain more. Seriously.

  I stood in the laboratory today and it just hit me that I barely understood what was happening. Sure, I have an idea what I’m doing and the sense behind it all but it always takes me a longer time to figure it all out which wouldn’t be happening if I was pursing a major that involved skills that I already have. But what can you do? You get choices in life and you make them and you just have to stick by them. At least I’ll have more options in the future. But that doesn’t really matter because I already know what I want to do and I won’t be needing a Life Science degree. But you never know.

 I really just want to get this all over and done with. Just like how I want the US dollar to go up and the whole bloody stock market to correct itself. So much money have been lost these past 3 weeks and it’s really time to make it all back and more. Oh well.

 But hey, now I have 2 more things to keep me awake at night. Just exactly what I needed.

Expect

Music: Thrash Unreal – Against Me!

 It hit me today that I’ve spent most my life trying, in one aspect or another, to please other people. Linda, Denisa, Ben and I went from room to room last night while Ben decided on the room he wanted to dance in. Since he was from out of town and that made him a guest, the natural thing to do would be to constantly check if there was somewhere else he wanted to check out. Earlier on at the bar, Ben told me that he was really glad to meet me and that he wasn’t excepting to meet someone like me because Denisa had told him that they were both going to hang out with Linda and I and that was it. Linda was telling me how Ben had told her earlier that he fancied me and it was then that Denisa came rushing to check if I was alright and that Ben was not being too aggressive. Which I thought was really sweet of her. Because she said she had never once; in the years they’ve known each other, heard Ben gush over someone like he did me. I told her I was fine and it was completely alright.

 So at the club, Ben made his moves and tried to make out with me a couple of times which made it even clearer that he was expecting something from me. Linda needed to call it a night because her feet was killing her from all the shuffling from room to room. Outside the club, Denisa and Ben wanted to continue partying which I was up for but decided against because it would probably give Ben the wrong impression, which he had already formed. His disappointment was so apparent when I told him I was leaving with Linda that it made me feel like I had hurt him or something. 

 I was merely trying to make sure he enjoyed his Saturday night out on the town and now, I’m the bad guy?  

 I spent the weekend trying to figure out just what I intended to attain from this weekend rigmarole of hanging out and making conversations over alcohol. I tried to pinpoint exactly what it was that I hoped to achieve with this current routine. I came to the conclusion today that I was not ever going to get anything even close to resembling what I ultimately want out of life right now at the current juncture of my being; especially not at places like such. I needed to realise that and I’m glad it’s out of my system. Just like how I was craving chicken and then ordered a bucket of chicken and finished it in one sitting.

 I do love me some fried chicken; occasionally.     

Freeze

Music: Nobody Move, Nobody Get Hurt – We Are Scientists

 I find myself drifting to sleep only after 4.30am every morning. That means I spend hours trying to even get to sleep. It’s completely unproductive I know and I shall do something about it. It’s either one thing or another that I think about and last night it was the possibility that Jim might get a job and relocate here sometime this year. I don’t think we’ll survive it if he makes the move. Firstly, I’m not ready to move out of my place and go share a living space with him for an extended period of time. His personal and bathroom habits annoy me and I like my current living situation just the way it is right now. Secondly, I like my freedom, my space and I enjoy being alone. I like just picking up and going somewhere and doing whatever I want. If he was here, I would have to think about fitting him into my spontaneous whims. Most importantly, he put me through a lot of unnecessary bullshit when we first started out and it lasted for a good year or so. Him being physically here, would remind me of all that and there only way to get it all behind me is to end it with him. And that leads to the question of what’s going to happen if it doesn’t work out between us when he’s here because I was here first and this is my place and he should go find his own corner. Anywhere but here.

 I don’t want to think about it or have to deal with it. I just wish things in the US would work out because if they do, it would be great for him. It would mean flexibility and travel and loads of fun. And the option to move here would cease to surface; at least for a while. I tried explaining it to him earlier on today and for some strange reason, I have so much difficulty articulating my thoughts when it comes to this matter. Because it’s just tough to put into words where I’m coming from when it comes to this. Arg.

 I think I just need to sleep. Sleep well and sleep good. I can’t deal with shit in my current state. Soon soon, I’ll get my workout routine back and start sleeping again.

 I got a Comme Des Garcons shirt yesterday and a Paul Smith wallet to replace my current one. It’s been less than a year since I got my current Paul Smith wallet but it’s already been stained by my jeans and the colour of the iconic stripes have faded and I have no idea how to polish them or clean them to remove everyday stains. So I was initially planning to get another one when I find a Paul Smith store that carries the specific one I want. But I found it last night so it worked out well.

 Now if only some other things would work just as well.

Fit

Music: Fix You – Coldplay

 I am pissed at myself. I wore my new pair of Hugo Boss shoes last weekend and I realised that it’s a tad too loose in the width area. I should have stuck to my original pair and not have gone back to change for one half a size bigger. Now I’m terribly annoyed at myself. I want things to be right; to fit right and feel right and shoes are my thing so naturally, I want all my shoes to fit as good as they look. I have two options now; one, to ship them back to Seattle and try to re-exchange them for the original pair and the other, to get thicker socks. The latter options makes more sense. So I need to go hunt for thick black dress socks; as thick as athletic ones. Arrg.

 I finally got my shirts back and I’m glad they all fit much better now. I cleared my wardrobe last night and by the time I was done, I had a bag full of tees and shirts to alter. I feel a little lighter now that I know I can get anything tailored and altered to fit. So damn, if only I had known that while I was in Seattle, I would have bought so much more shit at Barney’s.  Especially that Alexander McQueen shirt. Oh well.

 I need to start working out again. I’m getting pudgy and I’m just generally slowly growing out of shape. But the thing is, I don’t care. I just don’t.

 Just like how I’m over being in limbo. I just want to know the outcome so I can make plans and know where I’m going and what exactly to do.

 I just want to get to the point when everything fits right and I feel right and I can look back on this period and be so fucking thankful it’s behind me.

 Just a couple more months; now if only I can fit my schedule in sooner… 

Idiots

Music: Time To Pretend – MGMT

 I’m writing this from my new PC. I spent the last couple of days trying to get this piece of hardware up and running. I had to make 2 trips down to the store; lugging my new 19 inch LCD monitor back and forth to deal with a faulty graphics card but now that everything’s been taken care of; I’m a little more relieved. I’m still getting used to the size of said LCD monitor; I got it for Christmas from my brother and his girlfriend. It’s just really big and my eyes will need some time to adjust.

 So Doug asked me out to dinner on Sunday night. We went to Rochester Park and I had to call the restaurant for directions since having only been in Singapore for 3 months in 2007; I have no clue where the new restaurants and watering holes are. It was obvious that he wanted to get into my pants. And he made it even more obvious over post- dinner drinks at Hed Kandi.

 ”You have pretty skinny legs for someone who runs constantly.” He commented as he stroked and felt my legs.

 ”Yeah, I have pretty slim legs. They’re slim but they’re toned and you’re not going to see them tonight.” I said, matter-of-factly.

 ”Oh, but I can still feel them right?” He asked cautiously.

 ”Knock yourself out.” I answered flatly.

 ”So you’ve already made your decision that you’re not going home with me, huh?” He inquired as he spun his chair around.

 ”Yup, I did.” I said as I finished up my drink.

 I’m like seriously; you ask me out to dinner and then I had to search for a restaurant; make reservations and oh, pay for my dinner (which I never have a problem doing). But you don’t ask a boy to dinner and then split the bill; let alone have him google for restaurants and rest on the fact that you’re a foreigner in town. Whenever I’m abroad, I still know what I want to eat and where I want to go. So really.

 This chick; who was an hour late, sat beside me in class on Monday and it’s like they’re all the same. They all lack basic manners and social decorum. She asked if she could have a sip of water from my bottle because her mouth’s really dry. I looked at her stunned. She was a complete stranger to me and it was akin to going up to any random person and asking them if you could share their Big Gulp. You don’t do that. I told her she could have some water. 30 minutes later, she asked if she could borrow my pen to sign the attendance file, I said yes again and she signed the file and then dumped the file and pen on my notes without even a thank you and left to scramble to borrow the notes for the past lecture. That wasn’t all; throughout the lecture, she kept kicking my chair. I glared at her and she looked back at me directly in the eye and I told her to stop kicking my chair. It took like a second for her to register what I said and she apologised.

 I then found out that she’s not liked by anyone in the class. She and her other friend make use of other people, borrow things, never return them and refuse to share their notes with anyone; even if said person might have helped them out in the past.

 It’s all the new money people. The rising middle class. Sure, money can pay for a good education but that doesn’t equate social graces. Idiots.

 And oh, I bought a Paul Smith necklace the other day. And I have yet to clear out my wardrobe and the alteration guy is taking a really long time to fix my shirts. Tsk tsk.

 Someone needs to be spanked.

Nothing Else

Music: Losing My Religion – R.E.M

 I met Dennis for a round of drinks last night and he shared that he wanted a nose job. I sorta had a feeling that was coming up and I told him he should keep the news to a selected few; for obvious reasons, and that I was honoured that he asked for my opinion. There was a Prada model look-alike last night at the bar, he even had those cute geeky glasses. He checked me out a couple of times and it was a tad funny to watch his pick for the night continuous attempt to vie with his cellphone for his attention. I did a double take when said Prada model look-alike stood up to go to the bathroom. His pants were pulled up to the mid portion of his belly. It was so wrong.

 I have still yet to begin dealing with my deferment process. It’s so far beyond my control that I just think it’s better to just get it over and done with. And of course it is but I need to go in with the knowledge that I’ll be guaranteed a clerical posting and that’s the only thing I’m in limbo here about right at this point in time.

 I milked the fact that it was my birthday for all that it was worth on the two flights back to Singapore. There were only 4 of us in business class on the flight to Narita and I was asked if I was staying on in Tokyo because the stewardesses wanted to give me a good bottle of champagne to celebrate but that wouldn’t clear customs so it wouldn’t made sense. The crew on flight back to Singapore came by my seat one after another to wish me and before we landed, they made an announcement and the whole crew came over with an ice cream sundae and sang Happy Birthday. It was pretty sweet of them to do so.

 I took a rain cheque for my birthday gift from Jim. I have yet to find something I really want. Except probably get this whole tedious, time wasting period of my life over with.