How Not To

Music: Fuck And Run – Liz Phair

 I’m going to write Friday night’s episode as a lesson on how not to shoot myself in the foot and how not to ask for it. I lost my watch; one that was given to me as a gift. Only because I asked for it. You get choices in life and if you pick one, you have to stand by it. Even if it’s the wrong one and you’re left wondering why the fuck you did so the afternoon after. Write it off as something I lost when I torched my own roof. So be it.

 I met a Mark-double Friday night. He was sitting on the steps outside dialing for a cab. Linda was trying to get one as well to take us to the club so I sat beside him while she did that. He reminded me so much of Mark that I had to stop and catch a breath. I asked if he was working for the British Council and he said he was a Scientist. I told him I majored in BioMedical Science and he expressed doubts.

 He said, “So you’re an Asian with really white teeth, chewing gum and majoring in BioMedical Science?”

 ”Yeah, do you want proof?” I answered, while trying to capture his face.

 ”I thought gum was illegal here. How did you get yours? And do you have some with you?” He moved on; clearly displaying signs that he was FOTP (Fresh Off The Plane).

 I told him I didn’t bring any with me. But I offered him some Altoids instead.

 His cab arrived 10 seconds later and he hopped on; only to lean out; door wide open, looked at me and looked at Linda and said something along the lines of, “Take good care of him would you? He’s a special bunch of trouble. That he is!”

 I could have jumped into his cab and wrangled something more out of him but I didn’t. I just stood there, and watched his cab drive off.

 I thought about Mark and how I should give him a call. But I don’t know how I’m going to construct my words into sentences that makes sense or warrant my calling him up. And if he even wants to speak to me. There is no room to justify the bastard I was to him and I wish there was a way I could make things right. Some way I could learn how not to bite the hands that used to love me.

 Some way to learn how not to die emotionally alone.

 I tried to track down the pair of Lanvin Patent Derby shoes today but was told that the store here wouldn’t be bringing it in. So I popped into the Calvin Klein store and got a shirt. I also got a tailor reconmmendation from one of the chicks working there. I took my new purchase in and it would be ready tomorrow. Talk about being efficient. If this tailor works out well, I would be pleased. I have a bunch of new shirts all waiting for him to start working on. I also bought a pretty cool cashmere cardigan at Helmut Lang on Friday.

 I’m going to start wrapping Christmas presents. It is, after all, better to give than to receive.