Repeat, Repeat

Music: Take, Take, Take – The White Stripes

 I found out yesterday that the dry-cleaing lady I patronise is a Falun Gong member. It explained the constant tirade of questions about my frequent trips to the US and a non-stop monologue of how I should head down to Manhattan on Christmas to watch a dance competition and how ‘beneficial’ it would be for me. I thought it was a little strange but I brushed it off till yesterday when I got a complementary Falun Dafa 2008 wallet calendar from said dry-cleaner that it all made sense. She started lecturing me on how I really should go get a seat at the dance event and engage myself in the wondrous momentous affair. After this batch of clothes get dry-cleaned, I won’t be going back to her. It’s one thing to share with me your beliefs and another to rub my face in them when all I really want is my receipt and my clothes cleaned on time.

I did a search on Wikipedia and this paragraph caught my eye: “In May 1998, Li Hongzhi (the individual responsible for introducing Falun Gong to the public) made statements condemning homosexuality. He stated that homosexuality was “dark state of mind”, and suggested that homosexuality was incompatible with cultivation. However, homosexuals can practice Falun Gong if they “correct this bad behavior.”

 Another reason to not support her business. Maybe I should tell her I sleep with men for fun when I pick up my clothes next week and watch her sacrosanct reaction.

 I seem to repeat my mistakes as often as I change my Calvin Kleins. I had a new shirt that I wanted shrunk because I like my clothes to fit snugly. So what did I do? I dry-cleaned it, knowing fully that it wouldn’t shrink my shirt like water and a spin in the dryer would. I was even asked if I just wanted to wash and starch the shirt. I seriously don’t know what’s wrong with me. I keep pulling shit like that and then 24 hours later, I get hit with this wave of regret.

 Why do I always have to learn things the hard way?

So It Goes On

Music: I Still Haven’t Found What I’m Looking For – U2

 So I arrived back in Singapore yesterday afternoon after spending 2 nights in Bangkok. I’m back at square one; waiting, hoping, counting down. I’m still working on being good at waiting. It seems like I have been doing nothing but wait. It’s becoming my new job.

  Hit downtown with Bryan today with a bout of consumerism. I came home with the last Christmas present on my list, a sweater and a shirt from Calvin Klein, a shirt and polo from DKNY and that elusive day bag I have been hunting all over for (I finally found one nonchalantly displayed that bore a semblance to what I had in mind) at Armani Exchange. It’s black, distressed leather with a hobo structure and adjustable shoulder strap that I wouldn’t feel bad being hard on and tossing around (I’m known to push my things to their damaged point) because it’s only $399. I had no luck with my hunt for a pair or two of black jeans. I’ll make a trip to Prada one of these days to see if they have any in my size in stock since I know they make black ones for men. Neither did I have any luck with finding another pair of shoes to gift myself; for Christmas. Nothing at Giorgio Armani, Calvin Klein, Dolce & Gabbana, DKNY, Paul Smith, Balenciaga, Bottega Venetta. The hunt goes on.

 So does the craving for young, libido satisfying sex. Like jack rabbit, fucking-to-oblivion sex. Oh the irony.

 I’m going to warp presents and de-clutter my room and clear my wardrobe and throw stuff out. I get much pleasure from throwing stuff out. I hate junk and I hate dust collectors. So anything I haven’t worn or used in 6 months goes. Out with old, in with the new; I say!

Tomorrow

Music: Firewalker – Liz Phair

 The common question everyone’s been asking since I arrived in Singapore is, ‘So when are you flying off again?’. With barely 36 hours to check up on mail, pay bills, decide the clothes to give away to make way for new ones, make appointments, visit the dry cleaners, de-clutter the bedroom; I hopped on a plane and am now in Bangkok. Tying up loose ends and getting out of this standstill quagmire.

 I’m looking forward to staying in one place come 2008 for a bit. Rest my feet and work on the other aspects of my life that I’ve placed on the shelf. To take a break from this nomadic, living-out-of-a-suitcase lifestyle I’ve lead these past 2 years. But of course, I don’t think I’ll stay still for long but whatever may be, I’ll always have the weekends to accumulate mileage points.

 There’s no one here but me. No one to take out food, make trips to the supermarket, visit the dry-cleaners, arrange for cleaning services, buy pints of Haagen Dazs. I thought about it as I lugged 7 1L bottles of mineral water back to the apartment and again when I filled up a whole cart with food and essentials to last the next 10 or so days. Thank goodness the supermarket had personal helpers to assist in loading the taxi. I’ll get through this, one day, I’ll look back on this dark period and it would all be only a memory. Come tomorrow and the tomorrows after that.

 I’ll soldier through this; after all, a boy’s gotta do what a boy’s gotta do.

Glow

Music: Rape Me – Nirvana

 Aaron was presented with 2 tickets to San Diego to thank him for the good work done and for going the extra mile. Aaron opened the envelope in front of me and the beam on his face to the slight flush of his cheeks were priceless. After receiving word that his road accident last week will cost $4000 to fix, which is twice the cost of his car. We were standing in the pantry during lunch discussing the various options he had. All he needs is a working car to get from home to work. It could be ugly and beaten up and he could care less. His wife has the nice Volvo and that would cover them during the weekends or when friends are in town. This couldn’t come at a better time.

 ”It’s like you try hard to save $5 here and $10 there week after week and month after month and then something like this happens and you realise that it’s all going to be wiped out with one purchase.” He lamented while waiting for his bread to toast.

 ”Yeah and it’s like you have margarine instead of butter!” I continued.

 ”Exactly!” He said.

 A few weeks ago, Aaron and I had this conversation about butter and margarine. He said he’s always preferred butter but margarine was cheaper so he’s having margarine with his daily lunch sandwich instead of butter. I asked if there was a wide difference between the prices of the two products. He said a tub of butter was about $3 plus or so and a tub of margarine was only 79 cents at Fred Mayer.

 That lead to think about 20-something guys. Men 2 years or so fresh out of college, scrimping and cutting back in order to be able to set aside portions of their pay cheque. The ones blessed with enough sense to save for a rainy day. The ones that take in account every meal eaten out, the ones that compare prices of toothpaste, the ones that pick margarine over butter. I thought about them and their lifestyles and then about the men I date. The financially stable ones with investments accounts, property, mileage status and spare change. And if I could actually be fulfilled with an individual that is taking baby steps towards securing his financial future. Anyone who thinks money doesn’t play a role in the equation is delusional; unless there is a trust fund guaranteeing and providing the possibility to do whatever one pleases in one’s name. Everything in general society is fueled by the desire for more. Which is why people get educated in the first place; so they don’t find themselves working for minimal wage the rest of their lives. One cannot live on love alone. I’m not talking about excess; I’m talking about having enough so that it’s not the one thing that is causing sleepless nights or the factor that hinders the paths (be it professionally, emotionally, religiously etc) one so desires to walk. It’s as simple as that.

 At the end of the day, despite my being used to a certain way of life, if I met someone like Aaron; someone kind, grounded, spontaneous, witty, oblivious to how physically attractive he is, loyal with intrinsic values, someone worth the compromises and sacrifices, then yes, I would be able to dive in with both feet.

 I’m glad the tickets for him and his wife made him feel that things were starting to look up. I guess I should stop feeling this beaten down by the events that have taken place in the course of the last 2 months. After all, shit happens to everyone; even good people.

 I was replying to an email today after my shower when I noticed that my arm was glistering. At first I thought I had brushed onto some glittery surface or something but that was impossible because I was writing in bed the whole time. I then realised that my whole body was glistering. My arms to my legs to my belly were filled with tiny specks of sparkling bits from the Olay Body Wash plus Radiance Ribbons! I discovered this product through a commercial while watching Jay Leno in San Diego and I’ve bought it a couple of times; only because I liked the idea that it could make my skin glow and sparkle. I’ve always thought it was just pure marketing bullshit but that didn’t stop me from buying it at the store 2 days ago. Jim and I went to the store and I had told him that we were out of shower gel and he immediately took the green bottle (Olay has a couple of other variations of this range of shower gel). I asked how he knew which one I wanted. He said I was a ‘total consumer’ and it was pretty obvious. If I like something, I stick to it till I find something better.

 I guess I never really noticed my skin the previous times I have used this shower gel but I’m completely sold! I’m going to buy a few bottles this weekend at the store before I leave since it’s not available in Singapore. It was completely distracting, I was having a conversation over dinner and I couldn’t stop staring at my sparkly arms. Even Jim was amazed at how his hairy arms shimmered!

 It contains glucosamine complex formulated with N-acetyl glucosamine and luminous brighteners. Interference pigments found in the formula help improve the skin’s ability to reflect light for glowing, great looking skin. So if you want a shower gel that will make you scientifically more lustrous and effulgent, do check this one out!

  

Breakneck

Music: Hands – Jewel

 I received an invitation to the Ralph Lauren private sale today in the mail. Guess I’ve spend enough money at Ralph Lauren this year to warrant an invite. It would be a fun thing to go check out; the only thing is there are no Ralph Lauren stores in Seattle. At least not a flagship one. I can’t wait to move to Los Angeles. The invite also came with a 40% discount code that I could use at the online store. It’s time to go plan my Christmas list and do my Christmas shopping. I won’t have the time otherwise to do it.

 My messy but planned schedule has yet again been disrupted. I got word that my paper has been postponed for 14 days and now I’m desperately scrambling to piece everything I need to accomplish by year end into a breakneck span of 3 weels. Squeeze lessons, tests, papers, appointments, a trip to Bangkok, Christmas shopping and a trip back to Seattle late December. Bill asked me over dinner if I was staying in Seattle a little while longer since I now could. I told him I wasn’t and he expressed his disappointment. I’m looking forward to be back in Singapore, I’ve haven’t been around much these past 2 years and it’s funny how everyone treats me like I’m just visiting everytime I’m back in the island.

 I am counting down the days till this nightmare is over. Sometimes, I wonder if it’s just me and that I’m bound to always have to walk the difficult road. It does seem like everytime I get something done and over with, something else blows up in my face and I’m on the floor struggling with damage control. I want to be out of this tunnel pronto. I want to be able to sleep again. I want to have something to live for; albeit however overrated it may be.

 It’s time to go make ginger cosmos; I could really use a drink or two or more.

Dollars & Zen

Music: Money – Pink Floyd 

 I am a little pissed at myself for ignoring that little familiar voice once again. That tiny voice of reasoning and prudence that pops up more than occasionally when I am in the midst of making a decision. I chose to heed the advice of my financial relations manager instead of that oh-so-familiar voice a couple of weeks ago when faced with the decision of pumping more money into my Chinese Equity Fund. She said to wait as the price was a little too high. I’ve never been a fan of waiting. If I want something, I want it now and I’ll do everything in my power to make sure of that. That little voice was telling me to just pump in more and let it rise more and sleep better knowing I’m making a bit more money. I shut out the voice and I made the decision to wait. Guess what? Now the fund has risen more than 20%! On one hand, this means great news because that means my investments are paying off and on the other, it just means I could have made more! This is what I get for not listening to my gut. Lesson learned. Arg.

 The US dollar is plummeting. It’s such a shame since I get cheques in USD. We went out for dinner last night and I picked the tab and paid in cash. I don’t do that much; pay in cash. But the USD is so low, it just makes much more sense. Even my favourite supermodel is insisting she gets paid in currencies other that the USD. Gisele Bundchen has demanded to be paid in Euros for her new Pantene contract. Smart girl.

 I just hope by the time I need to convert my green cash into Singapore dollars, the USD would have risen to a more acceptable level. If not, I’ll probably find myself stashing my USDs under my mattress waiting for a more bullish rate. How immigrant of me, I know.

 With all that is happening with the market right now, I’m so glad I have newly taught patience. If there’s one thing this relationship has imparted to me, it’s patience. I’m so much more patient now, it’s commendable. So check my zen-ness out!

The Hives

Music: No Pun Intended – The Hives

 The Hives finally came on stage after a 2.5 hour wait. They were fun, loud, tight, impressive and they were just as I had imagined them to be and more. It was a fantastic show. But it wasn’t worth standing and waiting for 2.5 hours. I don’t see why they can’t just publish the actual time they want to start playing. After finishing their keg of beer, their specially distilled water, their organic rice crackers and an orgasm or whatever rock stars demand for and do. I don’t mind waiting for 30 mins and an hour tops but 2.5 hours is just ridiculous.

  I got a tee and a receipt for the new album that will drop in stores on the 13th. The album came along with a poster that the band will sign after the show. I was standing in line, waiting to get my poster autographed. 10 mins passed, then another 10 mins went by. Jim went out of the line to stretch and got to talking to one of the bouncers. He was told that the band will take longer than what everyone’s expecting. They’re backstage showering, drinking beers and chilling out. They’ll only come out when they’re ready to. I said fuck it and we left. I should have passed my poster on to someone else would would wait for them or someone who wanted their scribbles more than I did.

 They’re one of my favourite bands and I’ve been a fan of theirs since their indie days. But I think they need to treat their fans better. After all, it’s the fans who make garage musicians rock stars and garner cute, adorable lead singers cult status. So what gives?  

Trick Or Treat

Music: Walking With A Ghost – Tegan & Sara

  17 kids showed up at the door for Trick or Treating tonight. I did a great job with my pumpkin. It had a straight symmetric arrow-pointing-up nose and looked menacing enough. If I were to come back in my next life, I want to come back being equipped to be a top-notch plastic surgeon or a dermatologist. I know I will make a kick-ass dermatologist. But I digress. We were very generous with the candy and exhausted 5 bags of them. We had the good candy and variety too. I felt bad for the 3 little Batmans that showed up at the door and answered a ”YES!” in unison when I asked them if they’ve knocked on many other doors before ours. They only had 4 tiny pieces of breath mints to show for. So I grabbed two handfuls of candy for each boy from my Halloween bowl and felt great when I saw their beaming faces. I guess they were lucky that I am used to handling big things and so 2 full handfuls of candy amounted to a pretty big haul.   

 There’s a possibility I might need to shelf my year-end holidays plans to Australia and New Zealand and postpone them to make way for a trip back to The States. I need to make sure that all the EQM (Elite Qualifying Miles) I have acquired these past 6 months or so do not come to naught end of this calendar year. The Elite mileage slate for promotion to a higher Elite level will be wiped off clean come January and I refuse to let that happen without being promoted to the highest possible level. I’m just a couple of thousand of miles off. A trip back to The States will do the trick. I know the opportunity scale is weighing in favour of spending Christmas in New Zealand, my birthday and New Year’s in Sydney and Melbourne instead of the said three events in an undecided state in America. But I also know that I will welcome the new year feeling good about reaching the top of the mileage ladder in 6 months which in turn would make flying in 2008 even more nifty!

 I was feeling kinda down about the physical state I am currently in and so I decided to let my fingers do a bit of shopping. I stumbled on this YSL Muse bracelet and it was in my shopping cart 3 seconds later. Now, I don’t wear jewellery and am not a big accessories type-of-guy. A watch is my usual choice of armour. This is an exception given the fact that this classic bracelet is adjustable which means the flexibility to wear it anyway and anywhere I want. And I have just the shirts to pair it with. For some reason, my order couldn’t be processed. It turns out that it was out of stock. Thankfully, I had 2 items in my shopping cart. The bracelet and the YSL Muse Credit Card Case in Metallic Silver. I’ve been meaning to get a credit card case for the jeans that have pockets that run a little too small for my everyday wallet. Perfect timing. I also received an email informing me that my 20% discount code for an online store I frequent occasionally will expire after midnight today. I wasn’t even aware I had a 20% discount code! That just opened up an incentive to purchase another pair of  jeans. Really perfect timing, I say.

  Coupled with the sleepless nights, the incessant thoughts that bug me throughout the entire day and Xanax not working as well as it used to, I’m in need for some bigger treats. Where’s the candy-man when you need him?