Thief

Music: Head Like A Hole – Nine Inch Nails

 I was doing some general surveying on this little space of mine when I realised that this person; jennifersaylor, is claiming credit for the latest blog entry that I just wrote a few hours ago.

 I don’t know what site this is: http://halloween.xx7h.com/2007/10/28/take-your-ring-off/#comment-3 but it looks like a daily collection of posts gathered from various sources. According to the website, jennifersaylor wrote the entry, Take Your Ring Off and when you click on her name, it directs you to this blog. I don’t know what the story is. But I know she sure as hell didn’t write that.

  Some bitch is claiming credit for my writing; I must be doing something right.

Take Your Ring Off

Music: Beat Your Heart Out – The Distillers

 Brian’s in town. The incredibly sexy, gorgeous, heterosexual, married father of 3 who became a work colleague and a fast friend with Jim in Cologne 10 years or so ago. I met Brian last December in Cologne and I don’t think I made much of an impression. I was a little under the weather and didn’t have much to say while Brian; being the great Chatty-Betty he is, talked for most of the evening. Here it was: This intelligent, attractive, effectively bilingual individual who talked as much as I do on a good day; stuck in a frustrating, pressure-cooker of a marriage with a bitch of a wife who is detested by her in-laws. Apparently she didn’t start out a bitch. She was the usual German socialite with a huge trust fund; with charming, interesting parents. But everything flew out the window the second she got pregnant. Brian found himself stuck between a rock and a hard place. This catch 22 of a life and you would think someone would wise up and avoid sinking deeper into the quicksand. Not him, instead, he ended up with 2 more kids, effectively eliminating all possibly hopes of ever seeing his kids again if he were to ever ask for a divorce. A wealthy socialite with influential parents will drag the divorce proceedings to no end which will eventually render his finances bone-dry. Not a smart solution which explains why he’s still married to her. He handed us a joint after that evening. It made me crack up. There’s nothing like plain old fashioned great Maryjane to help with your troubles.

 What ever happened to good ole birth control? Has it become obsolete? It really is quite effective in preventing you from being corned in a situation where you might have to pay for that one orgasm the rest of your life. How worth it is that? So really, birth control anyone?

  If Brian comes over to the house for dinner tonight, I know I’ll be constantly looking his way. And drinking lots, of course. It’s not everyday that you have someone who makes your heart skip a beat. There are the attractive guys with top-notch personal and professional resumes and then there are the guys that make your heart skip a beat. It does help a little that all 4 of us in the house would probably not think twice about doing him. I know I would do him. Over and over again. After he takes off his ring. He did experiment once in college; he said it wasn’t good and it made him think that sleeping with men wasn’t his cup of tea. It’s such a complete waste that he had a bad first time. But I know I can totally show him how’s it’s really done. If only he knew he was such a cock tease (which makes him so much more attractive because he’s completely oblivious to just how delicious he is), I bet he would realise he could get so much more out of life.

 Gotta carve the pumpkins later today. Halloween this year should be fun.

Consume

Music: Shake It – Metro Station

 I absolutely love online shopping in America. Actually, shopping in general in America is pretty darn great. I sidetracked from all the denim viewing and was looking at a pretty cool tee from Saint Augustine Academy that unfortunately didn’t have my size in stock. I was about to leave the page when a small window appeared asking if I needed help with sizing. The next thing I knew, I was chatting live with a customer service representative who proceeded to inform me that that particular tee ran small and I could return it in 30 days if it didn’t fit. I knew it wasn’t going to fit but it was still valuable information because I ended up purchasing a Comme Des Garcons shirt that I could return or change for a another size if it didn’t fit. I was impressed.

 The other thing I love about shopping in America, is the amazing return/exchange policy. Walk into most any major stores and if the shirt or pants or shoes that you bought 7 months ago didn’t fit and if you lost the receipt, you can still get your money back or get a new size. I understand that America has a large enough economy to fully support that. Not every economy can afford to sustain such policies. But such exchange policies would guarantee brand/store loyalty that would lead to profit and growth despite of all the exchanges; however honest or shady they may be. You can even return your finished meal and bitch about the lack of flavour or heat and you will probably get that meal on the house. Of course, it reflects on you as individual but the fact that you can actually do that says alot about this wonderful service-oriented business mindset.

 I was going about my hunt for the perfect rockin pair of black jeans and I realised just how sparse the availability of black premium denim. The ones that I found were either too loud or too big or just bargain bin fodder. I did eventually find a pair of Citizens of Humanity Straight Leg Oslo Black ones that are sitting in my online cart. I’m not sure if I really want them as much as the idea of a pair of black jeans. I’m still waiting to see what else I can unearth in the next few hours here in the office; in the comforts of my own booth.

 That’s the thing I love about online shopping. You can buy your next pair of overpriced jeans wherever you may be. Even when you’re doing a Number 2.

The Appeal From Far

Music: Heart Of Glass – Blondie

 I got 2 pumpkins today at the supermarket. Spent 15 minutes picking out the roundest, smoothest, un-blemished two. They shall be carved for Halloween and displayed on the front lawn and porch. After candy-shopping, cellophane paper and candles, the house will be ready for trick or treating when the day/night arrives. We talked about costumes over dinner. Ideas were tossed around; Peter Pan, Captain Hook, Ghouls etc. The usual cliches. Then Jeremy made some snide comment to Bill about going as a suicide bomber. I burst out laughing and said I would go as one too. But I’ll go costumed in a burka with fake dynamite and explosives strapped to my fake breasts. Jim and Bill roared as they heard this and it was then decided that if we were to dress up, we would go as a posse of covered-up, sexually ambiguous suicide bombers. I wish I hadn’t left my camera in Singapore.

  I haven’t had much of an appetite lately. I guess the point when you stop giving a damn about holding yourself back is the juncture when you realise that it’s not so appealing after all once you get there.

 There are frozen yogurt stores popping up everywhere. I’ve always wanted my own frozen yogurt machine either on my tour-bus or in my wired, designer kitchen. A store would be totally feasible too. I would cater to salon tanning-yoga loving-catalog shopping-resort hopping individuals who lunch. The suckers like me who would spend $14 everyday on frozen yogurt. I reckon that would be a fun way to make a decent chunk of change.   

Fuck

Music: Terrible Lie – Nine Inch Nails

 I’ll be in Seattle for 6 weeks. If you had asked me 21 days ago, I would have reticence on my forehead and second thoughts about going back. Now, it’s a source of a bit of relief. I need to submerge myself for a bit and only come up for air when I want to. I need to surround myself with unknowns and unfamilarity and wet weather. It’s funny how life is always 2 steps ahead of you and seems unabashedly willing to constantly rub your face in the fact that it knows better than you what you need and the road that lies ahead.

 It had dawned upon me a couple of days ago on the flight back from Bangkok, just how if I were to die tomorrow, I would die happy because I would pass with the knowledge that I would have lived my life. I’m never again going to justify the choices I have made and the sacrifices that had to be made as a result of these choices. If there ever comes a day in the future when consequences arise because of these choices, then that will be the bed I have made and the cross that I’d have to bear and I will. I will lie in that bed and bear that cross. I won’t have gotten to this point in my life if I didn’t know what I wanted or where I was heading. I’m so over explaining this all.

 I just realised I left my umbrella in the cab and I am so kicking myself in the balls now. I can’t believe how the one time I didn’t take a second glance before shutting the cab door would be the one time I lost something that meant much to me. I could lose any umbrella but this one was my FCUK RAIN umbrella and I had got the last one that had been sitting at the back of the flagship store in London for seasons and maybe years. It was meant to be mine and now it’s gone because of my sheer carelessness. Arg. Fuck fuck fuck!

More

Music: Silver Lining – Rilo Kiley

 I met Mike at the iSHOP store today. I finally got my 16GB Ipod Touch. Then after, it was to the Dolce & Gabanna boutique at the Hilton to look for that feel-better-already pair of patent shoes. I initially thought they didn’t have them because they weren’t in the store so I asked if I could order them from a catalog. Turns out, they did have them; they weren’t in my usual size but they fitted well and they were so mine. I got a letter from Club 21 basically telling me how I haven’t been spending any money in their stores in a while; having been out of Singapore most of the year. So any purchase from any Club 21 store in the month of October will get me a food and beverage voucher from The Hilton. Perfect timing. Today’s purchases should get me another year of membership and some vouchers for tea.

 I’ve been meaning to get my hands on a set of Nintendo Ds Lite ever since the flight back from the States when it hit me that I have tried every single dish on the Business Class menu and watched every single movie available on the entertainment system on-board. So you know you’ve been flying a lot when all that is left to do is to pop a Xanax and dose champagne and wait for sleep to knock to pass the time.  A Nintendo Ds will keep me occupied when I’ve finished the new book orders from Amazon and the latest issue of Vogue and The Economist. It shall be my trusty companion for the 10 upcoming flights and the thousands of miles flown. I settled on a black one.

 Met Linda for dinner a few hours ago. She brought up a point that had me thinking when she said how she could settle down with a successful man, have kids, have a career, be a wife and mother and still have problems despite it all. I said that there will always be problems but it’s all a matter of the breed of problems they are. Whether they be short-term or long-term, solvable and dis-solvable or lingering and obvious. I thought about the problems I have right now; the pending new college year, my accident and the following infection and my stationery uncommunicative relationship. They are short-term and solvable and I know just how to deal with them. Imagine if my state of health took a dive for the worst and I had to continue living this life with a disability or if I was struggling and my bank account was bone dry which would take a lot of time to earn enough to have enough. These could be the harvests that I would have to reap and exist with. I’m appreciative of the fact that my pot of problems only contain life’s dumpings that will get flushed and serve as reminders and lessons in time to come.

 Perhaps this is the silver lining I’ve been looking all over for.   

Pick Me Up

Music: Pictures Of You – The Last Goodnight

 I’ve been anaesthetised 3 times this week. I’m good with pain and excessive bleeding. I’ve chosen to deal with this setback the best way I can. I still think life is overrated but the more I question and the more shit that gets piled on my plate, the more I wonder if somehow I’m supposed to get something out of this, if I’m being tested. But the thing is, none of that matters because all I needed was to see some light at the end of this tunnel and I did by the way of the serendipitous availability of a time slot that wouldn’t be mine if I hadn’t checked a second time while protesting to the need to find a way round my return date from The States. Maybe this is the flickering of light.

 I got a haircut today and spent the rest of the day looking to blow some cash. It was straight to the Dolce & Gabanna boutique after the haircut. There was a pair of shoes that caught my eye as I walked past the store to the salon. It had my name written all over it. This beautiful sharp dark slate grey patent lace-up made just the way I liked my leather shoes. I asked for a size 41 and was told there was only pair left. The ones on display. But they were size 5 and I am a size 8 when it comes to shoes like these. The sales person asked me if I wanted to try them on. How the hell am I going to fit into a size 5? So I walked out disappointed; it was to be my feel-better present. All is not lost yet, I still have yet to hit the Dolce store in Singapore. That shall be a priority on Sunday.

 I caught my reflection a couple of times today and thought about time. I’ve taken this chuck of bad news pretty calmly. I’m going with looking at this with being granted the opportunity to start fresh. Not everyone gets a second chance and I think it’ll only go up from here. 3.5 months will come and go and along with some good ole patience, I’ll be on track to being even better.

 After all, “Rome was not build in one day.” so said Dr Ar K.

 How true. How true.
 

As Sure As The Sky Is Green

Music: An Old Familiar Scene – Elf Power

I can’t do this much longer. How much longer, I am not sure. Jim asked me what was wrong with us a few hours ago. I told him I couldn’t live with him, couldn’t share a space with him and didn’t see a future with him. He said he needed to know what was wrong so he could fix it; I had wanted to say that not everything could be glued back but I didn’t. You can change your bathroom habits, you can start picking up after yourself, you can stop hogging the bandwidth, you can realise that the person you share your bed with gets awoken every bloody morning by your incessant typing and move into the next room.

 He loved the new individual I had moulded him into and he wants me to make him even better. Here it was; an earnest invitation to run every aspect of his life. As tempting as that sounds, I don’t need a pet project. My plate is full and I desperately need a new, clean one. I told him I was done with editing his tracks. I have done nothing but father this relationship and I won’t keep directing the traffic and pointing out where he’s going wrong.

 ’You are a fucking adult!’ I exclaimed.

 He begged for me to give him time to prove me wrong; to provide and hold the platform for him to change the fact that I didn’t see a future with him, to let him try. I held my tongue and said nothing. For once, I didn’t see a need to say anything and I didn’t want to. He took my silence as consent.

 How much longer; I’m not quite sure.

Friday

Music: Oh Yeah – The Subways

I just pre-ordered Radiohead’s new album, In Rainbows. The only difference this time was that I got to choose the price I wanted to pay to for the official album and come album release day, I get an email with the link and password to start downloading the LP. I think it’s a progressive, modern, smashing idea to deal with the current state of the music industry. And not being tied down to a record company has its own perks. Way to go, Thom Yorke & Co!

I got a call from a Ralph Lauren representative today. They are going to redo my order of customised polo shirts. I called customer service before making my order; enquiring about the fits and explaining the general difficulty I have with sizes in general. I then made my order on the advice of the customer service rep. The customised shirts came and they were way too big. I know that Ralph Lauren doesn’t have a return policy for specially customised polos and I was constantly reminded of that fact when I spoke to another rep. But I knew I was given misguided consumer information and I was not going to stand for it. There’s nothing like alluding to the immediate dialing of American Express and disputing the charges to get my point across.

Ab Fab alum; Jennifer Saunders and Dawn French’s parodies are a hoot! The first one’s on America’s Next Top Model and the second one’s on Bjork.

FYI

Music: The Yeah Yeah Yeah Song – The Flaming Lips

I’ve noticed that the general traffic flow of this little space are not really aware of the additional posts I have on this blog. I have posted additional bits of writing that I had done 1.5 years ago as a result of a meeting with a publisher.

If you scroll down and look to the right-hand corner of the blog page, you will see a PAGE section under the CATEGORIES section. The articles are individually posted there. Start by reading AS IT IS (SCRAPS) which presents a better insight as to where these writings stem from.

So do let me know what you think. I’m always only just and email, phone-call or comment away.

PS: Thanks Bryan and Jess for the heads-up and encouragement and for pushing me to write again!

Drink It Up

Music: Little Razorblade – Pink Spiders

I’ve been drinking most my meals these past few days. Chewing’s a bitch right now and even though I miss physically feeling food in my mouth, I kinda want to see where my new diet will take me. It just suddenly occurred to me how there are no junk foods in liquid form (and I don’t mean candy or soft drinks) that you can actually wholly consume. I’ll find ways to put on some weight via this alternative diet of mine. It would be much easier to have a pill for every meal and then when you want some extra pounds, you pop 2 pills. So where is my dinner in pill form? Until then, drinking is the new eating for me.

Aaron just asked me what season it is right now in Singapore; before asking me to pardon his ignorance. He then said he could easily goggle it but it wouldn’t be as much fun. I found that cute. At least he knew where Singapore was on the map. I would have 4 dollars if I had a dollar everytime a Caucasian person asked me if Singapore was in China. And it’s 4 eye-rolling bucks I rather not have. 

Second episode of the second season of Heroes tonight. I wish I was a mutant. A Class 4 one. How geeky, I know.